I am worth more than abuse. That’s it and that’s all.

Hi Ladies,

I feel as women we don’t always want to accept when a relationship has run its course and how it’s done it’s number on us. He may hurt us as much as he can but we will continue to stay and try to fix things. You know what I’m talking about. Trying not to say anything about certain questionable actions. Try to ignore the fact that maybe you all aren’t as intimate as you used to be.

In my case, it was both and so much more. My ex-fiancé actually experienced a psychotic break while we were together. We had been friends for three years prior to getting into a relationship and assumed we both knew all there was to know about the other person. Needless to say, we rushed into our relationship ended up pregnant within a few months and a year into our relationship were preparing to have a beautiful baby girl. My first born and his second.

It began with subtle changes, he began not being as intimate and when we were it was like I was a stranger. He didn’t look at me like he loved me he just looked at me as if I were a wet hole.

Then he began to talk to himself. And no, I don’t mean when you’re busy trying to remember things and you may say those few words out loud or positive affirmations during meditation. I mean full on conversations! Call and response type of dialogue. He would say things like “Why would you say something like that? That was so stupid.” Then respond by saying things like “I know it was so stupid. I’m trying, I don’t know why I said it. I won’t do it again.”

He held our daughter one time and she began to cry so loud it scared me. I called out of the shower for him to bring her to me. And when he did, he said “I think she sees the devil in me.” Yikes! Scary, right?

Needless to say after staying, trying to make him go to church, praying for him and doing everything in my power to keep him calm. He left. And months after he left, I was still trying to fix it and then he attempted to punch me in my face during an argument while I was breastfeeding our daughter. Simply, because I just wanted him to calm down before I drove him where he wanted to go. I had to pull out of his grip while holding our daughter and run into the nearest store. I was humiliated and scared to say the less.

It was totally irrational. But I couldn’t act like I didn’t see the signs. He had all the signs of a potential abuser. He wanted to isolate me from family and friends. He never wanted me to go anywhere and when I did he would harass me the entire time. He would get so angry with other people and begin to talk about really hurting them. He once told my brothers he would dismember their bodies. Who says that?

Long story short, I realized this was not the man I wanted to be with. And talked to some of his relatives, who explained to me he had been off his medicine for over a year (which explained the transition from the perfect mate to psycho on the loose). I had spent so much time trying to make the situation not seem like a lost cause or to try my best to fix it that I didn’t see the truth. And that’s that it was over way before I tried to fix it.

Now ladies by no means am I saying no relationship once in a rough patch can’t be fixed. I’m saying it take both parties to want to fix something that may either be broken or have the potential to break. It’s never all on you. Never! You are not the only one who has to want it, he has to want it too.

So I’ll leave you with this. You will know when it’s time to go. You will know what’s best for you and your new family. If it’s not him, let him loose and know you weren’t the first to do and I’m sure won’t be the last.

It took me a long time to realize, he left but I was the one who chose to end things for the betterment of my daughter and I. He still calls and texts with no reply from me because I am worth more than abuse. That’s it and that’s all.

Signed,

A Single Mom

P.S. I definitely planned to write about something totally different but I felt compelled to tell my story. I know it’s a crazy one but I hope it helps someone, maybe even you. If you have a story to tell or maybe just need a listening ear. Don’t hesitate to contact me, I’ve been there. There are so many ways to get out of your situation. Mine was through a restraining order, changing my residence and dropping off every piece of his stuff to a relative.