I am worth more than abuse. That’s it and that’s all.

Hi Ladies,

I feel as women we don’t always want to accept when a relationship has run its course and how it’s done it’s number on us. He may hurt us as much as he can but we will continue to stay and try to fix things. You know what I’m talking about. Trying not to say anything about certain questionable actions. Try to ignore the fact that maybe you all aren’t as intimate as you used to be.

In my case, it was both and so much more. My ex-fiancé actually experienced a psychotic break while we were together. We had been friends for three years prior to getting into a relationship and assumed we both knew all there was to know about the other person. Needless to say, we rushed into our relationship ended up pregnant within a few months and a year into our relationship were preparing to have a beautiful baby girl. My first born and his second.

It began with subtle changes, he began not being as intimate and when we were it was like I was a stranger. He didn’t look at me like he loved me he just looked at me as if I were a wet hole.

Then he began to talk to himself. And no, I don’t mean when you’re busy trying to remember things and you may say those few words out loud or positive affirmations during meditation. I mean full on conversations! Call and response type of dialogue. He would say things like “Why would you say something like that? That was so stupid.” Then respond by saying things like “I know it was so stupid. I’m trying, I don’t know why I said it. I won’t do it again.”

He held our daughter one time and she began to cry so loud it scared me. I called out of the shower for him to bring her to me. And when he did, he said “I think she sees the devil in me.” Yikes! Scary, right?

Needless to say after staying, trying to make him go to church, praying for him and doing everything in my power to keep him calm. He left. And months after he left, I was still trying to fix it and then he attempted to punch me in my face during an argument while I was breastfeeding our daughter. Simply, because I just wanted him to calm down before I drove him where he wanted to go. I had to pull out of his grip while holding our daughter and run into the nearest store. I was humiliated and scared to say the less.

It was totally irrational. But I couldn’t act like I didn’t see the signs. He had all the signs of a potential abuser. He wanted to isolate me from family and friends. He never wanted me to go anywhere and when I did he would harass me the entire time. He would get so angry with other people and begin to talk about really hurting them. He once told my brothers he would dismember their bodies. Who says that?

Long story short, I realized this was not the man I wanted to be with. And talked to some of his relatives, who explained to me he had been off his medicine for over a year (which explained the transition from the perfect mate to psycho on the loose). I had spent so much time trying to make the situation not seem like a lost cause or to try my best to fix it that I didn’t see the truth. And that’s that it was over way before I tried to fix it.

Now ladies by no means am I saying no relationship once in a rough patch can’t be fixed. I’m saying it take both parties to want to fix something that may either be broken or have the potential to break. It’s never all on you. Never! You are not the only one who has to want it, he has to want it too.

So I’ll leave you with this. You will know when it’s time to go. You will know what’s best for you and your new family. If it’s not him, let him loose and know you weren’t the first to do and I’m sure won’t be the last.

It took me a long time to realize, he left but I was the one who chose to end things for the betterment of my daughter and I. He still calls and texts with no reply from me because I am worth more than abuse. That’s it and that’s all.

Signed,

A Single Mom

P.S. I definitely planned to write about something totally different but I felt compelled to tell my story. I know it’s a crazy one but I hope it helps someone, maybe even you. If you have a story to tell or maybe just need a listening ear. Don’t hesitate to contact me, I’ve been there. There are so many ways to get out of your situation. Mine was through a restraining order, changing my residence and dropping off every piece of his stuff to a relative.

Avoiding Postpartum: You can and you will!

Now for those of you looking for a outstanding article about self worth or sex advice. This is not that so I will see you next time! This article is about the amazing, ground breaking women that have just become new moms!

Often times women naturally go through a series of hormonal changes during their lifetime and one of the biggest is after pregnancy, better known as, postpartum. So postpartum depression is just like what it sounds like, depression after pregnancy.

During this time a ton of things happen. A woman’s body is forever changed, there may be pain vaginally or abdominally depending on how you gave birth, you may be a single parent, your husband/ boyfriend may have become overwhelmed and left or maybe becoming a mother is way more responsibility than you were ready for. Either way it’s here and I’m going to help you to avoid depression at all cost with 3 simple steps!

1) Regardless of support financially, spousal or otherwise, you are the only one responsible for your child.

This was something I had to grow to understand. At first, I thought it truly takes a village to raise a child because this is what I’ve always been told but I had to understand very quickly that is up to me to protect, care for and raise my daughter with love, morals and values. Not to say her father will not do the same but as a mom regardless of what your child is tied to you and under you all the time. They are constantly paying attention to you and feel your energy. If you are not ok, nine times out of ten you will see they will not be ok (crying, fussy or otherwise).

2) You got this! It’s not always easy but it’s going to be eventually.

Every baby is different, just like every person is different. They come with their own personalities and characteristics. Some will be easier to deal with than others but do not focus on that! Be the best mom you can be to your child individually. Days will be long but you got this!

A few small tips are:

*Sleep when they sleep!

*Sit the baby up when they are pooping. So it stay it does not get everywhere.

*Keep Clorox wipes to disinfect surfaces.

*Talk to your baby. (No baby babble!)It helps them develop faster.

3) Take time for yourself.

Once the baby is fast asleep. Grab your favorite snack and turn on your favorite TV show. Grab your lover and get you some girl. Just do not make it ALL about your baby and forget about yourself. You deserve love, attention and laughter as well.

I truly hope this helps and that you do not allow the overwhelming feelings from postpartum hormones get the best of you. You got this! You are the most extraordinary mother anyone knows. No one gets it right the first time. From breastfeeding to changing diapers practice makes perfect!

Signed,

A Single Mom

5 things you can do to help produce breastmilk!

So I’m back with another set of tips for my breastfeeding mothers and moms to be!

Today I will be listing the 5 things I do to help me produce breastmilk.

Now, I have been told to do soooo many things. Things like “Oh just take fenugreek tablets.”, that left me constipated, regardless of how much water I would drink. Someone else said “Don’t eat anything that will give people gas.”, so you want me to not eat anything green ever? Then the craziest of all “Pump your breast until the milk comes out. No matter what. Your nipples may crack at some point but just apply nipple cream and pump some more.”

Now first things first, I’m not saying not to pump but if no milk is coming out at all it is my honest opinion that you should never just sit on a machine until your nipple split open, that is absurd! So here are my 5 tips on things you can do to produce more breastmilk.

1. Hand Express first, then pump.

I know some of you are looking at me like “What? You just said…” but wait, hear me out. I tried pumping when my breast were not producing any milk or not that much and it was very uncomfortable and I hated it to the point of stopping all together. Once, I found a system that worked I stuck with it and I was able to pump more frequently.

So, in the beginning and even after you have gotten the hang of breastfeeding, you can do this as a way to pump successfully. Try to hand express your breast before you apply the breast pump, that way your breast are already in a state of producing the milk. This will make it 100% easier to pump your milk. Make sure you are near your baby as well, it really helps to see your baby because being near your little one helps stimulate the release of your breast milk. I normally pump while my daughter is sleeping so I can just smile and watch her sleep as I breast pump. It’s not easy in the beginning. But follow the link I left to fully understand hand expressing.

1. Part 2. Let your little one eat first, then pump.

So this tip is identical to the first. The only difference is you allowing your baby to fully feed on your breast then pumping them both afterwards.

Your little one is the expert on getting that milk out of you. Even if they are still in the beginning stages of trying to figure out how to latch properly, they still are the experts because our bodies are designed for their nourishment, not a machine. Just saying.

But rest assure if you have a little one that is often times away from you or in a incubator, the first option is the best for you.

2. Eat the right things!

Now, I discussed this a lot in one of my recent blog post called the Top 5 foods I know will help produce breastmilk But the food we put in our bodies is also a BIG part of insuring we are providing our baby with the best and yummiest milk possible.

So no ladies… that comfort food should not be your go to, all the time, because it does help the supply of your breastmilk nor your baby’s health or tum tum.

3. Relax.

Sounds so simple, right? But often times I found that in the beginning I could not clear my mind and only focus on my baby girl before I breastfed. I was thinking about a hundred and one things before I began and stress can also effect your milk supply. It signals to the body something is wrong so it will keep some or all of your milk because your body knows your baby needs it.

4. Hydrate! Hydrate! Hydrate!

For those of you who do not like to drink water, let me let you in on a secret. “Drinking tons of water does not stop when the pregnancy is over. ” I actually drink the same amount of water I did when I was pregnant just to assure myself I was hydrated enough for myself and to breastfed. The recommended amount of water intake is 80 ounces a day, while you are pregnant. I personally, am drinking 120 ounces to supplement for breastfeeding. But that is my choice I honestly think you have to do what you are comfortable with. Be sure to ask your doctor what your sufficient water intake should be. (Note: Do not follow the guidelines my doctor and I, have set for me, for water intake. Lots of things contribute to how much water is a healthy amount, weight for example is one of them.)

Breastfeeding pulls fluids out of your body. So without hydration those fluids can be lost. Not to mention after a day or two of being dehydrated your milk does not even carry all the nutrients it’s suppose to. Your body starts to make what I call “half the power” breastmilk because your body is now is survival mode.

So keep that milk strong by drinking water. If you hate the tasteless taste of water. Try dropping a little bit of juice in it to give it a little flavor. (Note: I did not say half water, half juice. Your water intake is very important.)

5. Support!

You don’t know it yet or maybe you do. But there are so many lactation consultants your can speak with in your county for free. If you have a WIC (Women, Infant and Children) program attached to your community, which you probably do, they have plenty of information and people you can talk to about breastmilk and breastfeeding. They also have connections to groups or forums in your area of women who are going through the same things you are. From trouble breastfeeding to postpartum depression. So reach out and get the help you need. Look at this WIC Contact List , find your state’s information and get the help you need. They can also help with food and in some cases diapers and formula. It’s a great resource of support that has helped me, especially after my daughter’s father left.

Hopefully this was not too long of a post. I hope you all found it extremely informative. And please if you know someone who maybe needs these tips please share this post. Please make sure to also like and comment so I know you all enjoy post like this.

Until next time.

Signed,

A Single Mom

Who’s Gorge? You are!

Do you ever feel like you aren’t as attractive as you were before you had your little one? Or maybe you layer your clothes to hide that new baby belly you acquired. Well I’m here to tell you, you are GORGE!

Short for GORGEOUS and that you are! Don’t let any amount of extra weight, stress, jeans not fitting the way they used to, get you down! You’re a beautiful woman with a lot to offer, your family, your little one and one day a handsome significant other.

So do me a favor. Get in front of the mirror, strip down to your birthday suit and look at every flaw. Then, say something positive about each one. I’ll go first:

I hate my new belly. “I look good!”

I hate my thighs. “Thick thighs sweeter prize.”

Get it? Try it! I promise you it helps and when all else fails. Put on your favorite song and dance your behind off until you burst into laughter!

Ladies you’re GORGE! Don’t forget it!

Signed,

A Single Mom

Top 5 foods that I know help produce breastmilk!

So ladies I’ve been doing a lot of research on the topic of breastfeeding. And when I mean a lot of research, I mean ALOT.

I was constantly in search of foods that would help me produce a heavier milk supply because when my daughter was first born it was incredibly hard for me to produce milk. I’m talking, a few teaspoons from both breast.

While in the hospital, I was advised by the nurses and doctors to supplement with formula and it broke my heart. I cried for days, not understanding what was wrong with me. I truly felt like a bad mom and it was only the beginning.

After about the first week of my daughter being born, I decided something had to be done. Suddenly, I remembered how I felt while I was pregnant. “Everything I need to successfully get through this pregnancy and keep my baby healthy I can get naturally from food.” And I decided the same had to be true for producing breastmilk.

So after trying almost 30 different types of food for producing breastmilk, I found 5 that do the job!

(Note: All or some of these may not work for you due to food allergens.)

1. Oatmeal.

Now, not only is oatmeal fully customizable but it’s also an amazing source of iron. Low iron levels have been linked to low milk supply for decades. Oatmeal is also full of a number of other nutrients and vitamins like protein, fiber, vitamin A, calcium, vitamin B-6 and magnesium. All of which can help produce breastmilk and give your little one plenty of nutrients and vitamins that help produce exceptional brain development and overall great health.

2. Grits.

Ok, so grits are also a breakfast/ brunch fave that are completely customizable. I love mine with salmon cakes or cheese. But be careful with your amount of cheese because dairy is a big food allergen and has been said to produce gas in your little one. Grits also have an amazing source of iron and other nutrients like protein, magnesium, vitamin b-6 and vitamin A. But if I’m honest oatmeal is steal my go to because grits doesn’t even have half of the nutrients that oatmeal has.

3. Almonds.

Almonds are an amazing source of folic acid, calcium, potassium and Omega -3s. Folic acid is great for you and your baby’s brain development. Omega-3s also help produce the lactation hormones that push your body to produce milk. Almonds are great in salads, oatmeal and even as a snack so grab some and enjoy!

4. Spinach.

Cooked or raw spinach is incredible and contains folic acid, potassium and Calcium. But they also contain amazing detoxifying agents that help you go poo. They also contain plant chemicals that help prevent breast cancer. So they are good for producing breastmilk and good for your breast too. But, be sure not to over indulge on the spinach because spinach can also cause blood clots and diarrhea in your little one. So remember, everything in moderation ladies.

5.Salmon

Like almonds, Salmon contains that amazing omega-3 component that boost your lactation hormones. It also contains essential fatty acids that combined with omega-3s makes your milk the cream of the crop ( super nutritious for your baby).

So these are my top 5 suggestions of foods that I find help me produce nutritious, baby powerful, yummy breastmilk!

Hope this helped!

Have any suggestions? Leave them in the comment section below and let’s help each other.

Signed,

A Single Mother

I get lonely sometimes…

So I don’t know if I’m the only one, but I get lonely sometimes. And in that moment I wish I had someone to talk to, laugh about the cute things my daughter does, have someone rub my feet, etc.

If I’m being completely transparent I’ll say, I get lonely sometimes.

Not all the times, but sometimes. Most times I’m so consumed with my beautiful little ones, that I do not have time to think about it but on nights like this. A Friday night, the kids are sleep and I’m sitting here drinking a glass of wine alone and all of my friends are out and about or with their Mr.Right. I wish…I had someone.

Sometimes, I wonder why me? I did all the right things. I was honest, supportive and forgiving. Yet, I get left with a responsibility to carry all alone that was suppose to be a shared effort in carrying. He promised me the world, we were suppose to get married this fall and he said he couldn’t wait to be a father.

Now, all the promises have run empty, that engagement is nonexistent and I’m left being a single mother and he doesn’t even visit.

I get lonely but then I realize how full my life is and accept that when the time is right I will be sent the right man for me and my full life to make it fuller than ever. Never complete because my babies did that for me.

Didn’t mean to get so personal but I just needed to release that.

Signed,

A Single Mom

My little angel…

Ladies,

It’s crazy how much you can love them. Some of us never thought a love like this exist or maybe we have searched for love in all the wrong places then BAM!

It hits you like a ton of bricks! You’re a mom! Someone’s lifeline and role model. Yesterday you were just you with just your “stuff” to deal with and the next day your “stuff” has company.

I’d be lying if I said some days aren’t hard but I wouldn’t give it up for the world. I love being a mom. I love when my little angel looks up at me lovingly and smiles. I love watching her sleep… am I the only one? Their so beautifully at peace and you can even catch them smiling in their sleep sometimes. I’d like to think my grandmother is talking to her and giving her all her pearls of wisdom like she did me at a young age.

It’s so amazing how someone so small can make your heart feel so full and your purpose in life so grand.

Oh my little angel… sleep well.

Omg! Sometimes I want to just walk out!

Ok now first things first I’m so annoyed with these men that come into our lives claiming ‘that being a dad is all they want in life’ and then ‘POOF’ that man is gone! I mean he literally runs for the hills when the baby arrives and you are stuck doing it ALL ON YOUR OWN!

Honestly, I think there should be a law against men that believe it is ok to just walk out on their kids! They should have to stand trial in a courtroom with a ton of single moms as the jury and let us decide how much he should have to pay or whether or not he should just go to jail. Yes I said it JAIL!

As women when we have children and we don’t get to opt out of taking care of them. And let’s be honest, sometimes we would love to just say “I QUIT!” but we can’t because we know deep down we love them too much. But if I’m honest ladies I have definitely walked out of the room with my baby crying in a crib one or twice because I was getting ready to just cry myself, thinking ‘What do you want from me? I’ve changed you, I’ve burped you, I’ve sang you that song you like, I’ve fed you and you have taken a proper nap.’

Meanwhile, while you are experiencing this. There is no one you can call in the house for help because their father left before the parenting actions even began or left because it was too tough for him! God bless those, moms, aunts and grandmothers that help out but that child is ultimately only your responsibility and let me say it’s damn hard sometimes.

I laugh some moments and cry the next. And its not because I’m going through any type of postpartum. It’s just simply because I become overwhelmed with a job that is suppose to be for two darn people!

Am I the only one?

Signed,

A Single Mom